I am not giving up. I would not want Ray to give up on me. But it has become very obvious today that he is giving up. I can't say why except that I believe on some level he thinks he deserves this since he smoked so many years. I just know that is the way he thinks, and it is the result of his horrible childhood.
I do so appreciate your prayers.
I am reading the book, Cancer Free (and a million other things) ...any comments?
From what I am learning, I am petrified of all conventional treatments, but if there is any chance that conventional treatment could help, I don't want to completely dismiss it.....but that means on others making decisions for Ray and that scares me even more. I am petrified of making mistakes but I am even more terrified of him being somebody else's experiment.
If my love could heal Ray, he would be healed. I adore this man I have been married to for more than 38 years. He is such a gift to me and to everyone else in his life. How blessed I have been to be his wife.
I was asked what my favorite scripture is and that changes all the time....but I can tell you that the 100th Psalm has been very very dear to me for several years now. Go read it. I love you all.
Carla
So much of what you write resonates with me, Carla. My mother has been on this roller coaster ride with cancer for 10 years. But the last two have been awful. I have seen her through the days when she has given up. And I have held her through tears of anger, for not being ready to go. She announces she's done and won't be here "next month" (or any arbitrary time frame), and then passes that mark, time and again.
ReplyDeleteIt is absolutely exhausting as a caregiver. But we persevere, with love pushing us forward each day. We can't give up on them.
♥
Sam
I love you, Carla. I still have hope in my heart for Ray.
ReplyDeleteLove
Lennon