Saturday, January 2, 2010
Cancer takes you to the LAND OF IFONLIES
If only he hadn't smoked, or worked with heavy duty chemicals in aviation...if only we had not lived under a huge set of power lines. If only he had eaten better. If only I had fed him better. If only we had gone to the doctor sooner. If only I knew what we should do. If only I could get him to eat. If only.....
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I totally agree with you Carla. My mom and I were doing the same thing when we found out she had colon cancer. We did a lot of the same If Onlies that you are doing. I think prayer is what helped us get through and past those the most. I really blamed myself a lot when we first found out because I have the medical knowledge and know the risks of things, but could never get her to do any of the things I would recommend..like a colonoscopy years ago. If I would have made her go, would things be any better? Probably, but I must not spend valuable time focussing on the past. I try to only focus on what is going on right now and things that I can help with instead of letting time fly by and doing nothing, but getting stuck in the What ifs. I am praying for you and Ray and definitely keeping you in my thoughts. Never give up no matter how tough things get and keep faith that God performs miracles. Prayers & Love, Ashley Love
ReplyDeleteMy mom's friend blamed me for not noticing the jaundice in Mom's eyes before the chemo. nurse saw it. :( That was at the beginning of the end, and I will admit that I still hate that friend for blaming me.
ReplyDeleteWhat Ashley said about prayer though, for getting through the ifonlies... And what you said Carla. We live in SUCH a toxic world on so many levels. There could have been even more contributing factors you weren't even aware of, and you are aware of so much already.
I love you. Stay strong and remember that however long you might be apart, and no matter how many days ahead you might have to miss him terribly, you will be back together again. .. I know you know that already. .. And in spite of what I just said, I am still hoping with you and praying for miracles and answers.
It is so hard, but right now the only focus you should have is to enjoy these days with Ray. God does not make mistakes, so if there is a miracle on the way it will find you...don't waste any time torturing yourself for being human.
ReplyDeleteLove you!
Carla: It's entirely human and understandable to put oneself through these torturous questions. When my boys' were born with a lethal congenital neuromuscular disorder, and my youngest daughter with spina bifida, I wondered how I had gone from having three completely healthy, normal children, to having three in a row with such serious problems. My two sons both died in infancy, and Mary is thriving at age 8 and uses her wheelchair like a pro but it's hard not to wonder what "I" did wrong. My prayers have always been about asking the Lord to remember that He didn't ask me to be in charge, he asks only that we do our best to love and serve those he commits to our care. We can't control other people, or their choices, or everything in our environments that might be harmful. Love and enjoy your husband, take care of yourself! If you are his primary care giver, and want to continue in that role, you MUST find ways to take care of your own needs. Find someone to provide some respite care for you, get enough good food to eat, and sleep and rest as much as possible. ASK for help from the Dr.'s and Nurses; there are wonderful Nurses out there who really know a lot about helping cancer patients and their families feel more secure and cared for while you are going through all of this. There are very good support groups as well, for family care givers; find one and GO. So many people are praying for you and your family; take strength from those prayers and know that God is with you. Michelle.
ReplyDeleteI just wrote a long comment and Blogger deleted it when I tried to sign it. Sigh. The jist of it was: a drowning man cannot save a sinking ship. Grab a life preserver, get as much rest as you can, let others help you. We all love you.
ReplyDeleteWe live in a fallen world,but we are victorious through Christ. Conviction (how I can improve,do something better) is from God.Condemnation is not from Him.There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus! That's you & Ray! Tell those "if only's to take a flying leap"! Give yourself permission to let that go. I love you,Carla, you and Ray are in my prayers! Jeannine
ReplyDeleteWe need to put feet on our well wishes, ladies! Carla has done so very much for us and for every single woman we all have ever come into contact with. My former clients are better off because of all I have learned from this amazing woman!!! PLEASE give to raysfund@gmail.com Carla desperately needs money to get Ray the treatment he deserves. Ray has sacrificed so much for our precious Carla to be a blessing to us. We can all sacrifice for him. Skip your next fast food meal, or give up your next Starbucks. Donate at least 10.00 in the next few days. We can all give--figure out what you would want your friends to do if this was your husband battling Stage IV cancer! I would want my friends scraping every penny they had together to give to me so I could give my husband all he needed to stay alive. Let's love Carla substantially. Please give today!!!
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